Co-Parenting Therapy
“Co-parenting is not a competition. It’s a collaboration of two homes working together with the best interest of the child at heart.”
Heather Hetchler
CONNECTED CO-PARENTING: AN APPROACH TO RAISING RESILIENT KIDS
Co-parenting is more than just dividing responsibilities—it’s about co-creating a secure and emotionally rich environment where your child feels safe and supported. Research has consistently shown that children thrive when they feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure—independent of their family structure. These fundamental needs don’t disappear when parents separate. In fact, the quality of your co-parenting relationship has a profound impact on your child’s resilience, self-worth, and ability to form healthy relationships in the future. How you and your co-parent interact in front of your child matters. Even when you disagree, modeling respect and emotional regulation teaches invaluable life skills.
A CHILD’S DEVELOPING BRAIN
A child’s developing brain is wired for connection and is shaped by the relationships around them. When co-parents can foster a sense of emotional safety—whether they’re living in the same home or in separate households—children are better equipped to regulate their emotions, develop secure relationships, and navigate life’s challenges with confidence. On the other hand, chronic conflict, emotional inconsistency, or unspoken tension between parents can activate a child’s stress response, making them more vulnerable to anxiety, insecurity, and emotional dysregulation.
The way you and your co-parent interact and communicate about one another—whether you’re together or apart—shapes your child’s developing brain. The nervous system is wired to respond to consistency, emotional safety, and important relationships. When parents prioritize mindful communication and emotional regulation, children feel more secure, adaptable, and confident in themselves and their relationships. Additionally, they experience less stress, fewer emotional difficulties, and stronger relationships as they grow.
COMPETITIVE VS. COOPERATIVE PARENTING
Many co-parenting conflicts stem from emotional reactivity—old wounds, frustrations, and misunderstandings that surface amid stressful interactions. No matter what led to the end of your relationship, you and your co-parent are still a team when it comes to your child. In service of this, children fare best when parents shift away from a competitive approach where it’s “me versus you” and, instead, approach co-parenting from the cooperative mindset of "us in service of the best interest of our child." When co-parents, instead, compete against each other, children often feel like a pawn used by one parent to gain favor over the other. Pressured to show allegiance to one parent over the other, children often feel trapped between their two feuding parents, causing them to feel responsible for managing parental conflict, often at the expense of their own needs or emotional experience.
Conflict between co-parents is inevitable. What matters most is how you repair the relationship with your co-parent following disagreements. Research has consistently shown that when parents repair ruptures in the co-parenting relationships—acknowledging mistakes, offering understanding, and restoring connection—children develop stronger emotional resilience.
Children learn how to regulate their emotions by watching how their parents handle stress, conflict, and connection. By modeling self-awareness, empathy, and respectful communication, you are teaching your child essential skills for emotional resilience. Conversely, rigid thinking and focus on fairness splits the child placing them in an impossible double bind.
THE MYTH OF THE PERFECT PARENTING
When it comes to children, the stakes are high, and we really want to get it right! It’s common for parents to worry about how their own imperfections may impact their child over time. The truth is your child doesn’t need perfection. They need you to practice. They need your presence. They need attuned, caring adults who consistently show up for them and are willing to learn and grow along with them.
No matter what brought you to co-parenting, you have the opportunity to create a foundation of love and security that will shape your child’s life. Whether you and your co-parent are navigating a new separation, adjusting to a long-term co-parenting dynamic, or seeking to improve communication, one truth remains: your child’s emotional well-being depends on the environment you create together.
HOW TO BEGIN THERAPY
If you’re struggling, Anchor Psychotherapy, Inc. is here to help. I offer a wide variety of services related to therapy for children, adolescents, couples & families.
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OTHER MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES OFFERED AT ANCHOR PSYCHOTHERAPY, INC.
In addition to my work with children and families, I provide a wide range of mental health services to support you and your family throughout your journey. These services include adult individual therapy, couples therapy, trauma-informed therapy, EMDR and AF-EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and eating disorder treatment. I also offer specialized support for families navigating high-conflict divorce, parental alienation, and complex family dynamics.