Navigating the Digital Playground: A Dual-Lens Approach to Children's Technology Use

Co-authored by: Bren M. Chasse, LMFT, specializing in child and adolescent development, and Munya Kanaventi, Chief Information Security Executive

As a child psychotherapist and a cybersecurity expert, we have watched parents struggle with one of the most challenging aspects of modern parenting: how to let children benefit from technology while protecting them from its genuine danger. The digital landscape offers incredible educational opportunities and social connections, but it also exposes young people to cyberbullying, predatory behavior, age-inappropriate content, privacy violations, and addictive design features that can disrupt healthy brain development. Developing a framework that addresses both the psychological and security dimensions of technology affords parents the confidence to balance their child’s developmental needs with their desire for autonomy and independence.

From the Child Therapist's Perspective

Children and adolescents are particularly vulnerable to the psychological impacts of technology, in large part because their brains continue to develop well into their young adult years. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and higher-level executive functioning develops slowly (Hartley & Somerville, 2015) As a result, children and adolescents are less equipped to resist the dopamine-driven reward systems built into social media, gaming, and video platforms (Han et al., 2007; Macit et al., 2018).

As a therapist, I witness the impact of excessive screen use every day in my practice.  Children and teens often struggle with disrupted sleep from late-night device use, difficulty sustaining attention, and an unusually heightened need for constant stimulation (Cain & Gradisar, 2010). Symptoms of anxiety or depression are often intensified by social comparison and cyberbullying, which also contribute to increased social isolation and diminished self-esteem.  Over time, and without healthy boundaries, children often lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, as constant screen-based stimulation weakens their ability to focus and undermines their intrinsic motivation. (Greener, 2018). Simply put, nothing else even comes   close to rivaling the dopamine-reward pathway the way technology does.  While technology itself is not inherently harmful and can be used responsibly, unrestricted access during key stages of brain development can lead to serious and lasting effects that must not be overlooked.

From a Security Expert's Perspective

From a cybersecurity standpoint, children are high-value, low-defense targets.  They are trusting, they share information freely, they do not recognize phishing attempts or social engineering tactics, and they often do not understand that what goes online can never truly be deleted (Tsirtsis et al., 2016).  Predators take advantage of these vulnerabilities, as do corporations that harvest data for profit.

The digital footprint a child creates today can follow them into adulthood, affecting college admissions, employment opportunities, and, more importantly, their personal safety.  Many parents are unaware of how much information their children openly share—such as location data, personal details, photos, and daily routines—making it challenging to gauge potential risks or intervene promptly (Tsirtis et al., 2016; Yuliana, 2022).

Ages 0-5: Digital Minimalism

Clinical Rationale: This is a critical period for attachment formation, language acquisition, and sensorimotor development. Screen time displaces the face-to-face interaction, physical play, and hands-on exploration that developing brains require during this foundational stage (Putnick et al., 2023).

Security Rationale: Young children gain the most from shared screen experiences when caregivers are present.  When using educational content, parents should choose high-quality programs thoughtfully and actively participate alongside their child during screen time. 

Recommendations:

●      Avoid recreational screen time for children under the age of two.

●      Limit screen time to no more than one hour per day of high-quality educational content for children between two and five years old.

●      Never allow unsupervised device use and use parental controls on any shared devices.

●      No personal devices, accounts, or online presence.

●      Co-view all content and discuss what you are watching together, creating the opportunity for open dialogue with your child.

Ages 6-9: Scaffolded Introduction

Psychological Rationale: Children in this age range are just beginning to develop the ability to self-regulate independently. However, they still have limited capacity for impulse control, making them particularly susceptible to persuasive design that they are not yet able to process critically (Muppalla et al., 2023).

Security Rationale: Children this age are not yet developmentally ready to navigate private accounts or to access the internet unsupervised.  They are still developing the ability to recognize manipulation, risky behaviors, and age-inappropriate content, and therefore benefit greatly from adult guidance and support (Tsirtis et al., 2016; Yuliana, 2022).

Recommendations:

●      Limit recreational screen time to 1-2 hours per day.

●      All device use occurs in common family spaces, not alone in a bedroom behind closed doors.

●      Use robust parental controls and content filters.

●      No social media accounts (even platforms with 13+ age requirements increase a child’s vulnerability).

●      Limited supervised email or messaging (e.g., communicating with family).

●      Teach basic digital literacy: not everyone online is who they say they are; some information is private; ask parents before clicking, downloading, or sharing.

●      Establish periods of downtime: meals, family time, homework time, and bedtime.

Ages 10-12: Gradual Independence with High Oversight

Psychological Rationale: As preteens are approaching adolescence, their developmental needs shift as they begin to individuate, explore identity development, and increase their independence. For the first time, children begin to shift their focus away from relationships with parents and caregivers, and peer relationships become their priority (Crockett & Peterson, 2021). Peer relationships become more complex. However, because cognitive maturity and emotional regulation are still developing, they often struggle to navigate complex social dynamics—especially in online environments.  making it challenging for them to effectively navigate complex social dynamics—particularly online. 

Security Rationale: This age group begins encountering more sophisticated online risks such as phishing, catfishing, exposure to explicit content, and early grooming attempts by predators who exploit this vulnerable stage of development. 

Recommendations:

●      Limit screen time to no more than two hours per day for recreational use.

●      Consider providing a basic phone for safety and communication, while limiting or delaying access to a smartphone. 

●      If social media is allowed (though we generally recommend waiting), choose platforms with robust parental controls, ensure parents should have access to login credentials and perform regular check-ins.

●      Educate on key skills: identifying fake news, spotting manipulation strategies, and recognizing inappropriate interactions.

●      Discuss digital citizenship: how your online behavior affects others; the permanence of digital content.

●      Implement a "phone check-in" routine: devices charge in parents' room overnight.

●      Use monitoring software but be transparent about it—this is about safety, not punishment.

●      Role-play scenarios: What would you do if someone asked for personal information? What if you see bullying online? What if someone sends inappropriate content?

●      Reinforce that they can always come to you without punishment if something uncomfortable happens online.

Ages 13-15: Negotiated Autonomy with Clear Boundaries

Psychological Rationale: Early adolescence brings intensified peer relationships, identity exploration, and emerging desires for independence and privacy. While teens are developmentally ready for increased autonomy, their executive functioning skills and impulse control are still maturing, making them more susceptible to addictive design features, peer influence, and risk-taking behavior (Hartley & Sommerville, 2015).

Security Rationale: Teenagers may encounter more complex online risks, including inappropriate sexual content, exploitation, harmful content communities, and exposure to misinformation. They are also beginning to develop a digital footprint that may follow them the rest of their lives.

Recommendations:

●      Establish mutually agreed-upon screen time limits (no more than three hours of recreational use).

●      Smartphone use is permitted and reasonable, but with agreed-upon boundaries.

●      Social media access with clear rules: privacy settings maximized; no sharing of location, school name, or other identifying information; no communication with strangers; no posting content you would not want a college admissions officer or future employer to see.

●      Parental access to accounts, with periodic check-ins that balance safety monitoring with appropriate privacy.

●      Enable two-factor authentication on accounts.

●      Discuss sexting risks: legal consequences, permanence, coercion, and pressure.

●      Teach your teen about digital manipulation: filters and reality distortion; social comparison; algorithm-driven content designed to keep you scrolling.

●      Continue to implement technology downtime: during family meals, after a set evening time, when completing homework (unless needed for an assignment).

Ages 16-18: Preparing for Digital Adulthood

Psychological Rationale: Older teens need practice making independent decisions with safety nets still in place. They are preparing for college or work environments where they will have complete autonomy, so gradual release of control—with ongoing guidance—helps them develop self-regulation. Guidance and support are crucial, as college students often struggle with low self-esteem, which can intensify their fear of missing out, increase social media addiction, and ultimately heighten emotional distress (Koc et al., 2023). Parents can help alleviate this by maintaining open, nonjudgmental communication, encouraging offline connections, and modeling healthy technology boundaries that promote balance and self-worth.

Security Rationale: Older teens are often targeted for financial scams, college application fraud, and sophisticated social engineering tactics. At the same time, they are making choices about their digital presence that can have lasting implications into adulthood. 

Recommendations:

●      Shift from external control to collaborative decision-making about screen time and content.

●      Discuss reputation management: reviewing and cleaning up social media presence; understanding how colleges and employers screen candidates.

●      Financial literacy and security: recognizing scams; protecting financial information; understanding data privacy.

●      Teach about consent in digital spaces: what constitutes harassment; how to report concerning behavior; understanding that just because something is online does not mean it’s consensual. 

●      Discuss the reality of "deleted" content—nothing is ever truly gone.

●      Address mental health impacts: doomscrolling; comparison culture; curating an authentic vs. performative online presence.

●      Maintain some boundaries: family expectations around tech-free times, honest communication about online activity, and accountability for concerning behavior.

●      Encourage critical thinking: Who benefits from this platform? What is the algorithm showing me and why? How is this affecting my mood, sleep, and real-world relationships?

Technology is neither inherently good nor bad–it’s a tool. Our job as parents is to ensure that children develop the psychological resilience and security awareness to use these tools safely and in a balanced meaningful way. This requires ongoing effort, adaptation as children grow, and a willingness to set boundaries that may sometimes be unpopular but are necessary.

Your child does not need unlimited access to technology to thrive. Research has consistently shown that children with appropriate limits, strong offline relationships, diverse interests, and parental involvement in their digital lives do significantly better across every measure of well-being (Hernandez et al., 2024; Ishtiaq et al., 2021; Rai et al., 2023).

Start where you are. Pick one or two changes to implement first. Have meaningful conversations with your children. Set boundaries with love and consistency. You do not need to have all the answers; you need only to stay engaged, stay informed, and prioritize your child's long-term well-being over short-term convenience.

About the Authors

Bren Michelle Chasse, LMFT is recognized for her specialized expertise in working with children and families navigating high-conflict divorce, domestic violence, and child welfare or family court involvement, employing a child-centered, Structural Family Systems approach that examines power dynamics and relational patterns. She has extensive experience with high-profile cases and the unique pressures they create for families. An active member of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), Bren has served as a guest lecturer at universities and clinical organizations and has provided training for the Department of Mental Health.

Munya Kanaventi is a Chief Information Security Executive with over 21 years of global experience leading cybersecurity and risk programs across Netflix, Sony, Cedars Sinai, and Best Buy. He now advises families and organizations on digital safety, privacy, and responsible technology use.

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