What Is Parental Alienation? Signs, Impact, and How Therapy Can Help
Parental alienation is a complex and often misunderstood dynamic in which a child becomes estranged from one parent due to the undue influence and manipulation of the other, creating deep emotional divides that can fracture families and leave lasting psychological scars. The concept of parental alienation syndrome was introduced roughly forty years ago, and although many people recognize the behaviors and dynamics it describes, few are familiar with the term itself. Parental alienation has become an increasingly recognized issue in contemporary family law and psychology, as courts and psychotherapists grapple with its complex emotional, relational, and legal implications. This review is designed to provide you with a deeper understanding of parental alienation – what it is, how it affects families, and the ways therapy can foster healing and restoration.
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation is a pattern of behavior where one parent intentionally or unintentionally, and without legitimate justification, influences their child, or children, to reject or fear the other parent. It often involves manipulation, negative messaging, or restricting contact, leading the child to align strongly with one parent while distancing from the other. While parental alienation can be directed towards either parent, research has shown that it is more often directed towards fathers (Meland et al., 2024). Parental alienation is not the same as a child’s natural estrangement from a parent due to abuse, neglect, or genuinely harmful behavior. This latter estrangement is often referred to as realistic estrangement because the child needs to distance themselves from an abusive parent due to genuine harm. This is not the case with parental alienation.
Parental alienation manifests in both the alienating parent and the affected child through a range of emotional, behavioral, and relational patterns, revealing distinct signs of manipulation, loyalty conflicts, and distorted perceptions of the targeted parent. Although it most often occurs in divorced families, it can also arise in intact marriages or in situations where the parents were never married (Meland et al., 2024). Research indicates that a significant proportion of alienating parents exhibit traits associated with narcissistic and/or paranoid personality traits (Lorandos, 2020). Regardless of personality or family structure, certain behaviors are commonly observed: jealousy, poor impulse control, anger, boundary violations, a lack of remorse, and an unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions (Harman et al., 2018). Usually, more than one or two of these behaviors are present, often accompanied by an inability to recognize or acknowledge that they are engaging in such actions (Lorandos, 2020).
Just as alienating parents often share common traits, children affected by parental alienation syndrome also tend to exhibit similar characteristics. When assessing for parental alienation, therapists often rely on a specific framework that considers several key factors: the absence of abuse or neglect by the targeted parent; the child’s active resistance, avoidance, or refusal of a relationship with that parent; evidence of a previously positive parent-child relationship; and the presence of distinct behavioral indicators of alienation exhibited by the child (Lorandos, 2020). Due to the deeply ingrained alliance between the alienating parent and the child, it can be challenging to discern whether the child is acting as a parent’s coerced collaborator or has willingly adopted the role. Although both dynamics can occur simultaneously, younger children are particularly vulnerable to coercion and are more often recruited by the alienating parent, whereas teenagers are more likely to assume the role voluntarily. In either case, the dynamic places immense strain on a child, trapping them in a double bind: if they maintain a relationship with the targeted parent, they face the alienating parent's anger and rejection; if they reject the targeted parent to appease the alienating parent, they lose an important relationship (Gottlieb, 2012). This painful predicament can have lasting emotional and psychological effects on children, underscoring the urgent need for sensitive intervention and support.
The targeted parent in cases of parental alienation often experiences profound emotional distress while struggling to maintain a meaningful relationship with their child(ren) amid unjustified rejection and hostility. Children affected by parental alienation syndrome may develop distorted memories and adopt negative beliefs about the targeted parent, often influenced by the alienating parent’s suggestions and accusations (Ruiz-Tristan et al., 2022). A child may remain alienated from the targeted parent even after the alienating parent’s allegations have been proven false. This puts the targeted parent in an impossible situation: if they defend themselves against false accusations, their children may perceive it as an attack; if they stay silent, that silence can be read as confirmation (Gottlieb, 2012). As a result, targeted parents may endure intense emotional distress, chronic anxiety, and profound isolation, along with significant strain or even rupture in the parent-child relationship—all of which can take a serious toll on their mental and physical well-being.
Just as alienating parents often share common traits, children affected by parental alienation syndrome also tend to exhibit similar characteristics. When assessing for parental alienation, therapists often rely on a specific framework that considers several key factors: the absence of abuse or neglect by the targeted parent; the child’s active resistance, avoidance, or refusal of a relationship with that parent; evidence of a previously positive parent-child relationship; and the presence of distinct behavioral indicators of alienation exhibited by the child (Lorandos, 2020). Due to the deeply ingrained alliance between the alienating parent and the child, it can be challenging to discern whether the child is acting as a parent’s coerced collaborator or has willingly adopted the role. Although both dynamics can occur simultaneously, younger children are particularly vulnerable to coercion and are more often recruited by the alienating parent, whereas teenagers are more likely to assume the role voluntarily. In either case, the dynamic places immense strain on a child, trapping them in a double bind: if they maintain a relationship with the targeted parent, they face the alienating parent's anger and rejection; if they reject the targeted parent to appease the alienating parent, they lose an important relationship (Gottlieb, 2012).This painful predicament can have lasting emotional and psychological effects on children, underscoring the urgent need for sensitive intervention and support.
The targeted parent in cases of parental alienation often experiences profound emotional distress as they struggle to maintain a meaningful relationship with their child(ren) while facing unjustified rejection and hostility. Children affected by parental alienation syndrome may develop distorted memories and adopt negative beliefs about the targeted parent, often influenced by the suggestions and accusations of the alienating parent (Ruiz-Tristan et al., 2022). It is not uncommon for a child to remain alienated from the target parent, even after the alienating parent’s allegations have been proven to be false. This puts the targeted parent in a challenging and impossible situation: if they attempt to defend themselves against the alienating parent’s false accusations, their children may perceive these efforts as attacks on themselves. Yet, if they remain silent, their inaction can be interpreted as confirmation of the allegations, reinforcing the child’s negative perceptions (Gottlieb, 2012). As a result, targeted parents may endure intense emotional distress, chronic anxiety, and profound feelings of isolation, along with significant strain or even rupture in the parent-child relationship, all of which can take a serious toll on their mental and physical well-being.
Factors Contributing to Parental Alienation Syndrome
High-conflict divorces and custody battles often create environments where one parent feels threatened and seeks to gain the child's loyalty as a means of control or validation. In these situations, a parent's own unresolved trauma, personality difficulties, or emotional instability may drive manipulative behaviors toward the child. Unable to manage the intense emotions arising from divorce or separation, the alienating parent may project their pain onto the other parent, transforming internal distress into external conflict (Lorandos, 2020).
The tactics alienating parents employ—including gaslighting and distortion—further entrench the alienation. These behaviors often reflect an authoritarian parenting style where undermining the other parent is perceived as acceptable (Bütz, 2020). Cultural and social factors, including societal expectations around parenting roles and family loyalty, can also perpetuate alienating behaviors, further impacting effective intervention and resolution.
Legal and professional systems can also inadvertently reinforce parental alienation. When professionals misunderstand alienation dynamics, they may validate the alienating parent's narrative, strengthening their position and deepening the targeted parent's victimization. Systemic reform is needed to reduce the adversarial nature of custody proceedings and ensure balanced, fair processes that support both parents and prioritize the child's best interests (Gottlieb, 2012).
Characteristics of Alienating Parents
Researchers and clinicians often describe three levels of alienating parents—mild, moderate, and severe—based on the intensity and persistence of their behaviors. In mild cases, alienating behaviors may occur occasionally, often driven by hurt or frustration, but the parent can still support the child’s relationship with the other parent when guided or reminded. They engage only minimally in disparaging behaviors or attempt to disrupt that relationship, and their primary motivation is maintaining a strong bond with the child rather than severing ties with the other parent. Because of this relatively cooperative attitude, they typically keep the other parent informed about the child’s educational, medical, and social activities and needs (Gottlieb, 2012; Haines et al., 2019).
Moderate alienators engage in more consistent, deliberate undermining—negative comments, limiting contact, or subtly pressuring the child to take sides—and may deny their role in the conflict and resist intervention. They tend to be more intent on damaging or severing the child’s relationship with the other parent than on nurturing their own bond with the child, and while they may recognize the implausibility of certain accusations, they often continue perpetuating them to justify their actions. These parents frequently attempt to restrict or withhold visitation and may seek ways to evade court orders, though they typically comply when faced with the threat of legal consequences (Gottlieb, 2012).
In severe cases, the alienating parent becomes obsessed with excluding the targeted parent entirely, engaging in persistent psychological manipulation, false allegations, and complete obstruction of contact. At this level, the alienation is deeply entrenched, the child’s rejection of the targeted parent is intense, and the damage to the parent-child relationship can be long-lasting without specialized therapeutic intervention. Severely alienating parents are determined to achieve a complete, permanent rupture between the child and the targeted parent, often resorting to extreme measures—even defying legal orders or engaging in deceitful behavior. Deep-seated hostility toward the targeted parent drives tactics such as sabotaging visits and instilling fear or mistrust in the child, portraying the other parent as unsafe or unworthy of love (Gottlieb, 2012; Meland et al., 2024).
The Impact of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation can have profound, lasting consequences for everyone involved. For the child, it often leads to confusion and guilt as they internalize distorted beliefs about one parent while suppressing their own authentic feelings. This internal conflict—navigating divided loyalties—frequently manifests as anxiety, depression, and diminished self-worth (Haines et al., 2019). Over time, it can hinder a child’s capacity to build and sustain healthy relationships, weaken their sense of identity, and create challenges with trust and attachment that may persist into adulthood. Adults who experienced parental alienation as children frequently report elevated rates of anxiety and depression, underscoring the critical need for early intervention and therapeutic support to help mitigate the long-term impact on a child’s development and well-being (Haines et al., 2019).
For the targeted parent, rejection by their child can be deeply traumatic, resulting in grief, helplessness, and a lasting sense of loss. The effects often ripple outward, straining extended family relationships and perpetuating emotional distance or mistrust across generations. Repeated rejection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem, as the parent internalizes the child’s hostility or blames themselves for the breakdown. Social relationships and professional life may also suffer, as the ongoing conflict consumes emotional and cognitive resources. The cumulative impact can erode the parent’s sense of identity, leaving them feeling isolated, powerless, and uncertain how to restore a meaningful connection with their child (Gottlieb, 2012; Haines et al., 2019). In the most severe cases—particularly when the targeted parent has a history of psychiatric disorders or is currently experiencing mental health challenges—it may be essential for the involved mental health professionals to assess and monitor potential suicide risk (Haines et al., 2019). If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, help is available 24/7 through the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). In the end, parental alienation damages not only the parent-child bond but the broader fabric of family connection and well-being.
Addressing parental alienation requires a coordinated approach that combines therapeutic, relational, and legal strategies. Therapeutic interventions for children and families focus on helping children process feelings of confusion, loyalty conflicts, and loss, while equipping parents with tools to foster healthy communication and emotional support. A core component of treatment is restoring trust and attachment between the targeted parent and child, typically through gradual, structured interactions that strengthen the parent-child bond and repair the relational damage caused by alienation (Haines et al., 2019). At the outset of therapy, families are often unaware of how their interaction patterns have become problematic. While parental alienation reflects one parent actively working to align the child against the other, the alienating parent often lacks the insight to see how they’re contributing to the child’s rejection of the other parent.
A critical challenge arises when the alienating parent shows little or no willingness to de-triangulate, which can significantly complicate efforts to rebuild healthy family relationships (Gottlieb, 2012). Legal remedies—including court-ordered interventions such as modified custody arrangements or supervised visitation—provide a child-centered framework and consistent parental involvement. Critically, an alienation assessment should never substitute for a thorough abuse or safety evaluation—the two serve fundamentally different purposes, and conflating them can leave children in genuine danger. The UK Family Division's 2026 ruling in Re Y underscored this point, setting aside prior alienation findings and holding that abuse allegations must be assessed before alienation-focused expert evidence is considered. Equally important is collaboration between mental health and legal professionals, allowing for coordinated planning, shared expertise, and interventions that address both the child’s psychological needs and the legal system’s procedural requirements, ultimately creating a pathway toward family healing (Haines et al., 2019). By integrating therapeutic support with legal intervention and professional collaboration, families facing parental alienation can begin the difficult but vital journey toward reconciliation and lasting recovery.
Success Requires Commitment
For any form of family therapy to be effective, all members of the family—especially the parents—must be committed to change. Treatment creating sustainable change occurs when clients are committed to:
A willingness to engage in emotionally vulnerable work
Consistency in showing up and doing the work
Patience and realistic expectations
Commitment to their child’s long-term well-being.
In court-involved cases, children are often the most vulnerable unit of the family system. The therapeutic relationship becomes sacred so children can freely express themselves without fear that one parent may try to leverage their words or the therapeutic relationship against them. This work is highly specialized and emotionally demanding, but with perseverance and professional guidance, families can emerge stronger and more connected. The process of rebuilding trust is not linear. Small gains—like a positive exchange, an emotional breakthrough, or a shift in behavior—can be powerful indicators that change is occurring. With the right support, families can reach a point where co-parenting becomes more collaborative and far less adversarial.
References
Bütz, M. R. (2020). Parental alienation and factitious disorder by proxy beyond DSM-5: Interrelated multidimensional diagnoses. Routledge.
Gottlieb, L. J. (2012). The parental alienation syndrome: A family therapy and collaborative systems approach to amelioration. Charles C. Thomas, Publisher.
Gracheva, O., & Mkrtumova, I. (2024). Parental alienation syndrome and prevention technologies. Social Issues, 2(3), 159-166.
Haines, J., Matthewson, M., & Turnbull, M. (2019). Understanding and managing parental alienation: A guide to assessment and intervention. Routledge.
Harman, J. J., Kruk, E., & Hines, D. A. (2018). Parental alienating behaviors: An unacknowledged form of family violence. Psychological Bulletin, 144(12), 1275–1299.
Lorandos, D. (2020). Parental alienation, traditional therapy and family bridges: What works, what doesn't and why: Part I of II. American Journal of Family Law, 33(4), 415-423.
Lorandos, D., Bernet, W., & Sauber, S. R. (2013). Parental alienation: The handbook for mental health and legal professionals. Charles C. Thomas, Publisher, Ltd.
Meland, E., Furuholmen, D., & Jahanlu, D. (2024). Parental alienation – a valid experience? Scandinavian Journal of Public Health, 52, 598-606.
Reay, K. M. (2015). Family reflections: A promising therapeutic program designed to treat severely alienated children and their family system. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 43(2), 197-207.
Ruiz-Tristan, A., Urricelqui, J., Gomez-De-Las-Heras, V. (2022). Parental alienation syndrome as a consequence of paranoid contagion or shared psychosis. European Psychiatry, 65(S1), S707-S708.
