Parental Alienation: Understanding Complex Family Dynamics, the Impact, and the Journey Toward Healing
Parental alienation is a complex and often misunderstood dynamic in which a child becomes estranged from one parent due to the undue influence and manipulation of the other, creating deep emotional divides that can fracture families and leave lasting psychological scars. The concept of parental alienation syndrome was introduced roughly forty years ago, and although many people recognize the behaviors and dynamics it describes, few are familiar with the term itself. Parental alienation has become an increasingly recognized issue in contemporary family law and psychology, as courts and psychotherapists grapple with its complex emotional, relational, and legal implications. This review is designed to provide you with a deeper understanding of parental alienation – what it is, how it affects families, and the ways therapy can foster healing and restoration.
What is Parent Alienation?
Parental alienation is a pattern of behavior where one parent intentionally or unintentionally, and without legitimate justification, influences their child, or children, to reject or fear the other parent. It often involves manipulation, negative messaging, or restricting contact, leading the child to align strongly with one parent while distancing from the other. While parental alienation can be directed towards either parent, research has shown that it is more often directed towards fathers (Meland et al., 2024). Parental alienation is not the same as a child’s natural estrangement from a parent due to abuse, neglect, or genuinely harmful behavior. This latter estrangement is often referred to as realistic estrangement because the child needs to distance themselves from an abusive parent due to genuine harm. This is not the case with parental alienation.
Parental alienation manifests in both the alienating parent and the affected child through a range of emotional, behavioral, and relational patterns, revealing distinct signs of manipulation, loyalty conflicts, and distorted perceptions of the targeted parent. Although parental alienation most often occurs in divorced families, it can also arise in marriages that remain intact or in situations where the parents were never married (Meland et al., 2024). Research indicates that a significant proportion of alienating parents exhibit traits associated with narcissistic and/or paranoid personality traits (Landoros, 2020). Regardless of personality or family structure, certain behaviors are commonly observed in alienating parents. These may include jealousy, poor impulse control, anger, boundary violations, a lack of remorse, and an unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions (Harman et al., 2018). Usually, more than one or two of these behaviors are present, often accompanied by an inability in the alienating parent to recognize or acknowledge that they are engaging in such actions (Landoros, 2020).
Just as alienating parents often share common traits, children affected by parental alienation syndrome also tend to exhibit similar characteristics. When assessing for parental alienation, therapists often rely on a specific framework that considers several key factors: the absence of abuse or neglect by the targeted parent; the child’s active resistance, avoidance, or refusal of a relationship with that parent; evidence of a previously positive parent-child relationship; and the presence of distinct behavioral indicators of alienation exhibited by the child (Lorandos, 2020). Due to the deeply ingrained alliance between the alienating parent and the child, it can be challenging to discern whether the child is acting as a parent’s coerced collaborator or has willingly adopted the role. Although both dynamics can occur simultaneously, younger children are particularly vulnerable to coercion and are more often recruited by the alienating parent, whereas teenagers are more likely to assume the role voluntarily. In either case, the dynamic places immense strain on a child, trapping them in a double bind: if they maintain a relationship with the targeted parent, they face the alienating parent's anger and rejection; if they reject the targeted parent to appease the alienating parent, they lose an important relationship (Gottlieb, 2012).This painful predicament can have lasting emotional and psychological effects on children, underscoring the urgent need for sensitive intervention and support.
The targeted parent in cases of parental alienation often experiences profound emotional distress as they struggle to maintain a meaningful relationship with their child(ren) while facing unjustified rejection and hostility. Children affected by parental alienation syndrome may develop distorted memories and adopt negative beliefs about the targeted parent, often influenced by the suggestions and accusations of the alienating parent (Ruiz-Tristan et al., 2022). It is not uncommon for a child to remain alienated from the target parent, even after the alienating parent’s allegations have been proven to be false. This puts the targeted parent in a challenging and impossible situation: if they attempt to defend themselves against the alienating parent’s false accusations, their children may perceive these efforts as attacks on themselves. Yet, if they remain silent, their inaction can be interpreted as confirmation of the allegations, reinforcing the child’s negative perceptions (Gottlieb, 2012). As a result, targeted parents may endure intense emotional distress, chronic anxiety, and profound feelings of isolation, along with significant strain or even rupture in the parent-child relationship, all of which can take a serious toll on their mental and physical well-being.
Factors Contributing to Parental Alienation SyndromeHigh-conflict divorces and custody battles often create environments where one parent feels threatened and seeks to gain the child's loyalty as a means of control or validation. In these situations, a parent's own unresolved trauma, personality difficulties, or emotional instability may drive manipulative behaviors toward the child. Unable to manage the intense emotions arising from divorce or separation, the alienating parent may project their pain onto the other parent, transforming internal distress into external conflict (Lorandos, 2020).
The tactics alienating parents employ—including gaslighting and distortion—further entrench the alienation. These behaviors often reflect an authoritarian parenting style where undermining the other parent is perceived as acceptable (Bütz, 2020). Cultural and social factors, including societal expectations around parenting roles and family loyalty, can also perpetuate alienating behaviors, further impacting effective intervention and resolution.
Legal and professional systems can also inadvertently reinforce parental alienation. When professionals misunderstand alienation dynamics, they may validate the alienating parent's narrative, strengthening their position and deepening the targeted parent's victimization. Systemic reform is needed to reduce the adversarial nature of custody proceedings and ensure balanced, fair processes that support both parents and prioritize the child's best interests (Gottlieb, 2012).
Characteristics of Alienating Parents
Researchers and clinicians often describe three levels of alienating parents—mild, moderate, and severe—based on the intensity and persistence of their behaviors. In mild cases, alienating behaviors may occur occasionally, often driven by hurt or frustration, but the parent can still support the child’s relationship with the other parent when guided or reminded. At this level, parents engage only minimally in disparaging behaviors or attempts to disrupt the child’s relationship with the other parent. Their primary motivation is to maintain a strong bond with the child, rather than to sever ties with the other parent. As a result of this relatively cooperative attitude, they typically keep the other parent informed about the child’s educational, medical, and social activities and needs (Gotleib, 2012; Haines et al., 2019).
Moderate alienators engage in more consistent and deliberate undermining, such as making negative comments, limiting contact, or subtly pressuring the child to take sides; in addition, they may deny their role in the conflict and resist interventions. The moderately alienating parent tends to be more intent on damaging or severing the child’s relationship with the other parent than on nurturing their own healthy bond with the child. While they may recognize the implausibility of certain accusations, they often continue to perpetuate them to justify their actions. These parents frequently attempt to restrict or withhold visitation, and may seek ways to evade court orders; however, they typically comply when faced with the threat of legal consequences (Gotlieb, 2012).
In severe cases, the alienating parent becomes obsessed with excluding the targeted parent entirely, engaging in persistent psychological manipulation, false allegations, and complete obstruction of contact. At this level, the alienation is deeply entrenched, the child’s rejection of the targeted parent is intense, and the damage to the parent-child relationship can be long-lasting without specialized therapeutic intervention. Severely alienating parents are determined to achieve a complete and permanent rupture between the child and the targeted parent. To accomplish this, they often resort to extreme measures, even if it means defying legal orders or engaging in deceitful behavior. Deep-seated hostility toward the targeted parent drives their actions, leading them to use manipulative and damaging tactics—such as sabotaging visits and instilling fear or mistrust in the child—to portray the other parent as unsafe or unworthy of love (Gotlieb, 2012; Meland et al., 2024).
The Impact of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation can have profound and lasting consequences for everyone involved. For the child, the experience often leads to confusion and guilt as they internalize distorted beliefs about one parent while suppressing their own authentic feelings. This internal conflict—navigating divided loyalties—frequently manifests as anxiety, depression, and diminished self-worth (Haines et al., 2019). Over time, this emotional conflict can hinder a child’s capacity to build and sustain healthy relationships, weaken their sense of identity, and create challenges with trust and attachment that may persist into adulthood. Adults who experienced parental alienation as children frequently report elevated rates of mental health difficulties, including anxiety and depression. The widespread and enduring nature of these effects highlights the critical need for early intervention and therapeutic support to help mitigate the long-term impact of parental alienation on a child’s development and overall well-being (Haines et al., 2019).
For the targeted parent, the rejection by their child can be deeply traumatic, resulting in grief, helplessness, and a lasting sense of loss. The effects often ripple outward, straining extended family relationships and perpetuating patterns of emotional distance or mistrust across generations. Repeated rejection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem, as the parent internalizes the child’s hostility or blames themselves for the breakdown in the relationship. Social relationships and professional life may also be affected, as the ongoing conflict consumes emotional and cognitive resources. The cumulative impact can erode the parent’s sense of identity, leaving them feeling isolated, powerless, and uncertain about how to restore or maintain a meaningful connection with their child (Gotlieb, 2012; Haines et al., 2019). In the most severe cases, particularly when the targeted parent has a history of psychiatric disorders or is currently experiencing mental health challenges, it may be essential for the involved mental health professionals to assess and monitor potential suicide risk (Haines et al., 2019). In the end, parental alienation damages not only the immediate parent-child bond but also the broader fabric of family connection and emotional well-being.
Addressing parental alienation requires a coordinated approach that combines therapeutic, relational, and legal strategies. Therapeutic interventions for children and families focus on helping children process feelings of confusion, loyalty conflicts, and loss, while equipping parents with tools to foster healthy communication and emotional support. A core component of treatment is the restoration of trust and attachment within the relationship between the targeted parent and child, typically achieved through gradual, structured interactions that strengthen the parent-child bond and repair the relational damage caused by alienation (Haines et al., 2019). At the outset of therapy, families are often unaware of how their interaction patterns have become problematic. While parental alienation is a reflection of one parent actively working to align the child against the other parent, the alienating parent often lacks the insight to understand the ways in which they are contributing to or reinforcing a child's rejection of the other parent. A critical challenge arises when the alienating parent shows little or no willingness to change these dynamics, which significantly complicates efforts to rebuild healthy family relationships (Gottlieb, 2012).
In cases of parental alienation syndrome, a critical challenge arises when the alienating parent shows little or no willingness to de-triangulate, which can significantly complicate efforts to rebuild healthy family relationships (Gottlieb, 2012). Legal remedies, including court-ordered interventions such as modified custody arrangements or supervised visitation, provide a child-centered framework and consistent parental involvement. Equally important is collaboration between mental health and legal professionals, which allows for coordinated planning, shared expertise, and interventions that address both the psychological needs of the child and the procedural requirements of the legal system in cases of family separation or divorce, ultimately creating a pathway toward family healing (Haines et al., 2019). By integrating therapeutic support with legal intervention and professional collaboration, families facing parental alienation can begin the difficult but vital journey toward reconciliation and lasting emotional recovery.
The Impact of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation can have profound and lasting consequences for everyone involved. For the child, the experience often leads to confusion and guilt as they internalize distorted beliefs about one parent while suppressing their own authentic feelings. This internal conflict—navigating divided loyalties—frequently manifests as anxiety, depression, and diminished self-worth (Haines et al., 2019). Over time, this emotional conflict can hinder a child’s capacity to build and sustain healthy relationships, weaken their sense of identity, and create challenges with trust and attachment that may persist into adulthood. Adults who experienced parental alienation as children frequently report elevated rates of mental health difficulties, including anxiety and depression. The widespread and enduring nature of these effects highlights the critical need for early intervention and therapeutic support to help mitigate the long-term impact of parental alienation on a child’s development and overall well-being (Haines et al., 2019).
For the targeted parent, the rejection by their child can be deeply traumatic, resulting in grief, helplessness, and a lasting sense of loss. The effects often ripple outward, straining extended family relationships and perpetuating patterns of emotional distance or mistrust across generations. Repeated rejection can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and lowered self-esteem, as the parent internalizes the child’s hostility or blames themselves for the breakdown in the relationship. Social relationships and professional life may also be affected, as the ongoing conflict consumes emotional and cognitive resources. The cumulative impact can erode the parent’s sense of identity, leaving them feeling isolated, powerless, and uncertain about how to restore or maintain a meaningful connection with their child (Gotlieb, 2012; Haines et al., 2019). In the most severe cases, particularly when the targeted parent has a history of psychiatric disorders or is currently experiencing mental health challenges, it may be essential for the involved mental health professionals to assess and monitor potential suicide risk (Haines et al., 2019). In the end, parental alienation damages not only the immediate parent-child bond but also the broader fabric of family connection and emotional well-being.
Addressing parental alienation requires a coordinated approach that combines therapeutic, relational, and legal strategies. Therapeutic interventions for children and families focus on helping children process feelings of confusion, loyalty conflicts, and loss, while equipping parents with tools to foster healthy communication and emotional support. A core component of treatment is the restoration of trust and attachment within the relationship between the targeted parent and child, typically achieved through gradual, structured interactions that strengthen the parent-child bond and repair the relational damage caused by alienation (Haines et al., 2019). At the outset of therapy, families are often unaware of how their interaction patterns have become problematic. While parental alienation is a reflection of one parent actively working to align the child against the other parent, the alienating parent often lacks the insight to understand the ways in which they are contributing to or reinforcing a child's rejection of the other parent. A critical challenge arises when the alienating parent shows little or no willingness to change these dynamics, which significantly complicates efforts to rebuild healthy family relationships (Gottlieb, 2012).
In cases of parental alienation syndrome, a critical challenge arises when the alienating parent shows little or no willingness to de-triangulate, which can significantly complicate efforts to rebuild healthy family relationships (Gottlieb, 2012). Legal remedies, including court-ordered interventions such as modified custody arrangements or supervised visitation, provide a child-centered framework and consistent parental involvement. Equally important is collaboration between mental health and legal professionals, which allows for coordinated planning, shared expertise, and interventions that address both the psychological needs of the child and the procedural requirements of the legal system in cases of family separation or divorce, ultimately creating a pathway toward family healing (Haines et al., 2019). By integrating therapeutic support with legal intervention and professional collaboration, families facing parental alienation can begin the difficult but vital journey toward reconciliation and lasting emotional recovery.
Resources
Bütz, M. R. (2020). Parental alienation and factitious disorder by proxy beyond DSM-5: Interrelated multidimensional diagnoses. Routledge.
Gottlieb, L. J. (2012). The parental alienation syndrome: A family therapy and collaborative systems approach to amelioration. Charles C. Thomas, Publisher.
Gracheva, O., & Mkrtumova, I. (2024). Parental alienation syndrome and prevention technologies. Social Issues, 2(3), 159-166.
Haines, J., Matthewson, M., & Turnbull, M. (2019). Understanding and managing parental alienation: A guide to assessment and intervention. Routledge.
Harman, J. J., Kruk, E., & Hines, D. A. (2018). Parental alienating behaviors: An unacknowledged form of family violence. Psychological Bulletin, 144(12), 1275–1299.
Lorandos, D. (2020). Parental alienation, traditional therapy and family bridges: What works, what doesn't and why: Part I of II. American Journal of Family Law, 33(4), 415-423.
Lorandos, D., Bernet, W., & Sauber, S. R. (2013). Parental alienation: The handbook for mental health and legal professionals. Charles C. Thomas, Publisher, Ltd.
Meldand, E., Furuholmen, D., & Jahanlu, D. (2024). Parental alienation – a valid experience? Scandinavian Journal of Public Health, 52, 598-606.
Reay, K. M. (2015). Family reflections: A promising therapeutic program designed to treat severely alienated children and their family system. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 43(2), 197-207.
Ruiz-Tristan, A., Urricelqui, J., Gomez-De-Las-Heras, V. (2022). Parental alienation syndrome as a consequence of paranoid contagion or shared psychosis. European Psychiatry, 65(S1), S707-S708.
